The fear of enmeshment and losing one's identity may be at the root of people who are considered commitment phobic. The child may grow up to be resentful of any perceived attempts of a romantic partner to control them. The child involved in such a relationship with a parent may be incapacitated to make decisions and choices without the parent's involvement. Some parents are unable to separate themselves from their child and allow the child to become their own person with their own thoughts, ideas, and desires. There are no boundaries to ensure growth and independence. Enmeshment is a psychological term used to describe an unhealthy relationship where one person becomes dependent upon another to meet all of their emotional needs. The child struggles to feel comfort and closeness within a primary relationship and this can extend to adulthood.Īs children we may also experience having a parent who is emotionally smothering. Children with this type of insecure attachment may even reject the parent or show aggression. The child who is ambivalently attached to their parent will show great distress when separated from their caregiver but does not feel comforted or reassured upon the parent's return. Bruce attributes a fear of intimacy with an underlying ambivalent attachment of childhood. Paula Bruce, a clinical and forensic psychologist, and author of the blog The Pocket Psychologist, wrote an enlightening post entitled "" to explain how attachment theory can explain a fear of intimacy.
#I have a pathological fear of being on my own how to#
In childhood we also learn how to trust or develop attachment to the people we love. Many people wish to avoid becoming just like their parents especially if the relationship ended in pain and misery. If you saw mom and dad constantly fighting, having extra-marital affairs, or getting a divorce, you might think twice about committing to a relationship in your adult years. In a 2009 Psychology Today article, " Fear of Real Intimacy," author Frances Cohen Praver, a clinical psychologist and relational psychoanalyst, explains that our parent's relationship can set the scene for how we view intimacy in adulthood.
People who have been emotionally, physically, or sexually abused may feel frightened at the prospect of trusting someone enough to be emotionally or sexually intimate.īut probably the best explanation for the fear of intimacy comes from our childhood and what we learned from our parents about relationships. Social Anxiety Disorder can also include a fear of becoming close to people within a relationship. For anyone who has been hurt or damaged by a bad break-up, you may feel extremely fearful of opening your heart to someone new. Some arise in adulthood where you have experienced painful romantic relationships. There are many different life situations which can contribute to a fear of intimacy. The fear of intimacy in women may also affect their ability to enjoy sexual relations or to reach an orgasm. The fear of intimacy can result in male impotency or erectile dysfunction. Yet even if your loved one passes your emotional tests, the fear remains that they will abandon you.Ī lack of trust to be yourself in front of the other person and instead, trying to be what you think the other person expects.Ĭonstantly choosing the "wrong" people to date or have a relationship with, knowing that it will lead nowhere.įrequent break ups with romantic partners.Ĭreating emotional distance with cool or aloof behaviors. Reluctance to commit to your relationship.Īttempting to get your needs met within a romantic relationship with as little emotional investment as possible.Ĭonstant "testing" of your partner to see if they will leave you.
This can mean creating drama or instigating a fight when your partner shows signs of becoming emotionally close to you.Ĭlingy and sacrificial behavior in order to keep the other person to remain in the relationship. Sabotaging a relationship when deep feelings develop. The feeling that you don't feel worthy of love.Īvoiding close relationships because you feel that you will ultimately be rejected. What are some of the signs or symptoms of intimacy anxiety? There can be two underlying fears contributing to intimacy anxiety and they are the fear of ultimately losing their partner or the fear of being controlled and losing one's freedom or identity. They wish to avoid hurt and pain at all cost. The individual who fears intimacy will be reluctant to open up and be genuine for fear that they will be rejected for being their true self. It can also include the fear of being sexually intimate with a romantic partner. Intimacy anxiety is the fear of emotional closeness with another. In this post we are going to talk about a specific fear with regard to relationships and that is the fear of intimacy.
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